gratitude |ˈgratəˌt(y)oōd|
noun
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness
When I began my journey
into the world of education, I expected many things. I
expected poverty and privilege, difficulty turning in homework and students who
felt it was too easy, poor behavior and stars, and the like. However,
the last thing I expected to find (particularly on the economically devastated,
rural coast of Oahu) was a pervasive sense of entitlement. I
have found over the last few years in the classroom (in Texas, Hawaii, and
Oregon) that many of my students have a deep feeling of privilege in some
sense. They
feel that they are owed certain things. They refuse books that are in poor
condition and throw out papers that have folded corners or a small scribble of
ink. They
end up wasting much because of this sentiment. They
feel they are owed grades rather than understanding the need to earn
them. They
think that second chances are a given rather than a gift. This was (is) a
problem.
Above all, I seek for my
students to be happy and successful. I believe that education- of the mind,
body, and soul- is an integral part of ensuring this. It became apparent to me
very quickly that this sense of entitlement was hindering their achievement of
these goals. So, how to fix it? I tried reasoning with them: “The paper is
still perfectly good! There is plenty of space to write.” “I didn’t give you an F; you haven’t
turned in a single assignment.” And so on. But nothing was changing.
This struggle with my
students came at a time of struggle for happiness in my own life. Due to a
myriad of things, it was hard to for me to wake up with a smile and some days
even get out of bed at all. And then I found it: GRATITUDE. Such a simple
concept really; saying thank you is nearly a robotic response a great deal of
the time. It’s just a programmed answer like “How are you? Fine and you?” But true gratitude was exactly
what I, and my students, needed.
Gratitude is
a concept that has been around since, at the very least, the biblical
ages. There are over
twenty-three references to being thankful in the Psalms alone. In Ephesians 5:4, it states, “Nor
should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of
place, but rather thanksgiving.” Being
grateful is an imperative, replacing the coarser matters of obscenity and
crudeness. The basic tenets
of most religions center around being kind to the people around you, which most
often includes being thankful.
I would quickly like to
clarify a small but important difference between gratitude (being grateful) and
being gracious. Graciousness
implies courtesy and grace, while being grateful connotes an actual feeling of
appreciation and thankfulness. I
focus here on being grateful.
Success and happiness are very often
related and usually in a causal relationship; success leads to happiness and
happiness leads to success. In fact, in a study by Lyubomirsky, King and Diener
in 2005, it was found that “happiness is associated with and precedes numerous
successful outcomes, as well as behaviors paralleling success. Furthermore, the
evidence suggests that positive affect--the hallmark of well-being--may be the
cause of many of the desirable characteristics, resources, and successes
correlated with happiness.” Most people crave happiness; it is the motivating
factor behind most actions. Our
society actively works to eradicate unhappiness through a myriad of practices
(some healthier than others): materialism, medical treatment, sports and
hobbies, etc. Serious unhappiness,
or clinical depression, is a documented disease. So, how does one attain this desired, often elusive
emotion? What can someone do to be
truly happy and thus successful, especially when so much is going wrong? There are many theories on the matter,
but one particularly important finding is that about gratitude.
Meister Eckhardt, a noted theologian from
the thirteenth century said, “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire
life is ‘Thank you,’ it will be enough.”
The practice of gratitude has been around for as long as moral
imperatives have been documented.
Only recently though, have people begun conducting studies on the
effects of gratitude on personal happiness and general well being. Sincere and
honest feelings of gratefulness, unbound by social courtesy or a sense of duty,
are the path to increasing happiness through the practice of gratitude.
Taking this knowledge of the power of
gratefulness, I undertook a study myself. I decided to teach the concept to my
students and document the results in regard to their overall well-being and that pesky sense of entitlement. I called it, “Attitude of Gratitude.” I
began by defining the concept and then having students keep a daily journal of
all the things they were grateful for. Five minutes everyday was devoted to
their Gratitude Journals. In addition to that, they had projects where they had
to do something nice for someone else and document the reactions of the
recipient as well as how they felt after completing the act. After several
months, I found that interpersonal conflicts in the classroom decreased,
academic achievement increased, and behavior problems all but disappeared. Now,
I am scientific enough to know that there are LOTS of variables unaccounted for
in that study and so I cannot prove that those effects are solely related to
the study of gratitude. However, now I begin each day in the classroom by going
around the room and sharing at least one thing that everyone is grateful for
and my students have shared with me (unprompted) that they feel more positive
because of it.
In a discussion with my latest group of
students, I asked them why they thought we started class that way everyday and
they were spot on. They told me it was because they were able to hear what
other students said and connect with them even if they weren’t good friends,
they were able to start class on a positive note even if the beginning of their
day had been sour, and they got a chance to think about all of the good things
in their lives. I nearly cried for joy. Not only did they get it on a cognitive
level, but I saw the physical evidence in class. I saw so many students enter
in a foul mood and hesitate when asked to share “a grateful” and leave class
smiling. They told me that they hated it initially, that they didn’t like
having to share what was going on in their lives but that toward the end of the
year it was their favorite part of class.
I have shared this practice with others
to use for themselves and with youth and have received nothing but positive
feedback. So often when I am starting to feel negative, I will catch myself and
start reciting everything I can think of to be grateful for. Sometimes, I have
to start with the basics- air, water, food- and work my way up to the other
things. I don’t always feel elated when I’m done, but I do always feel at least a
little bit better than when I started.
Gratitude is a building block of
happiness and thus success. If we aren’t grateful for what we have (little
though it sometimes may be) we cannot achieve more. This is a concept I work
daily to instill in my students and myself. I’ll tell you one thing, ask anyone
in my life if I’m happier now than I was three years ago and they’ll likely
say, “yes” before you even finish the question. I can’t attribute all of my
success to sitting around and counting my blessings, but I can assure you
that’s where it started. I can’t ensure that my students will always make the
right choices or be mindful of the resources they consume, but I know that they
have the skills to highlight the positive and opt for happiness if they choose
to.
I hope that on this journey, you too will
choose gratitude and love and share your joy with the world.
Clarifications
on Gratitude vs. Graciousness and Ideas for Practice:
In his article, “Gratitude,” Berger
discussed the idea of the “duty of gratitude”- the idea of owing gratefulness
depending on the circumstances incurring your benefit. He argues that if someone does not
intend to do something for your benefit or if they complete the action under
threat, you owe them no gratitude.
However, I believe that is a misuse of the term “gratitude.” As I distinguished earlier, I believe
that falls under the category of graciousness. When something is pleasing to you or benefits you in some
way, gratitude is due. It is not a
duty to show it, but
rather the best possible response.
If expressed out of a sense of duty, it is not true appreciation. One must feel gratitude honestly in
order for it to have positive effects upon the state of well-being. Berger
continues to assert that the “proper object” of gratitude is benevolence, not
beneficence; we owe no gratitude to someone who unwittingly benefits us
(Berger). I agree that we may not
“owe” that person
gratitude, but a genuine feeling of gratitude for the receipt of the boon should
automatically
follow. To what or to whom the
gratitude is directed is up for debate.
Walker recognizes the distinctions of
gratitude in his article, “Gratefulness and Gratitude.” He discussed three types of gratitude:
obligatory social gratitude (which I distinguish as graciousness), gratitude to
a person who does the “duty” of assisting in times of danger, and finally to a
person who goes above and beyond the call of what is necessary in the given
situation (Walker). These three types
of gratitude are instilled in us for the purposes of social justice, according
to Walker. He notes though, that
this all categorizes gratitude in a “hopelessly superficial way.” Sincerity is the key in effective and
affective gratitude.
Keeping a gratitude journal is a good
first step in growing a sense of gratitude. The gratitude is not directed at any one person in
particular, but a general feeling of gratefulness for the multitude of
wonderful gifts present in each of our lives is expressed to the universe. It encourages the search for gratitude
as well. When one stops to think
about what there is to be grateful for, really the list can be endless. The keeping of the journal, which is an
open-ended space for listing items for which to be grateful promotes the idea
that is not an emotion owed, but rather an ongoing and pervasive emotion that
can and should be expressed often and for much. It broadens the scope of what there is to be grateful for. This is the type of gratitude that must
be practiced to increase feelings of happiness and thus success.
